—————————————————- SPOILERS
Not to spoil it for you (the writers have done that), if you don’t want to know what happens in No Time To Die, stop reading!
First Part: A Bond Movie
From the action sequences in Italy through to Bond’s hi-jinks in Cube, this feels more or less like a Bond movie having some fun. More importantly we meet Ana de Armas as Paloma, who steals the show by giving the impression of wanting to be there. Happily starting by spoofing the Bond girl tropes by being ditzy, she then proves herself to be a sensationally kick arse character, who bosses the environment. The movie then commits a cardinal sin by then leaving her behind, in the manner of Jim Bowen showing Bullseye contestants what they could have won, the movie saunters off leaving it’s best new asset behind, in favour of the eternally moody Madeleine. Unforgivably, one gets the impression that Paloma went on to be in a much better movie than the one we’re stuck with.
Second Part: The Silence Of The Blofeld
Look let’s talk about the elephant in the room. What exactly was the point in keeping Blofeld alive at the end of Spectre if they had nothing interesting to do with the character in the follow up? The fact that Spectre is wiped out in No Time To Die is Exhibit A that from start to finish they didn’t have a fucking clue how to handle the crime organisation, like being handed a 2000 piece jigsaw without the picture. Neither Spectre or Blofeld drive the story of No Time To Die, beyond the heavies chasing Bond at the start.
Instead getting Bond visiting Blofeld drags the movie down to a grinding pace while the writers demand we care about this face off. Having Bond inadvertently kill Blofeld is a nice enough twist but wont stand up to rewatching.
Third Part: Metal Gear Bond
Wow – entering a weapons facility on an island via a torpedo thingy! This is so Metal Gear Solid! I’ve waited since, what, 1998 to see a movie version of Metal Gear Solid! Wow, Metal Gear Solid was great. Hey! This sequence of going up the stair well is just like the sequence in Metal Gear Solid! Cool. Hey! The control room looks a lot like the control room in Metal Gear Solid! Metal Gear Solid was so cool. Hang on… this isn’t Metal Gear Solid… what was I supposed to be watching…?
…ah I see, Bond’s going to die. OK so they’re going with the Dark Knight Rises ending then, I see. Hmm… did I get the meter readings? Is this movie ending soon?
If you’re going to kill your hero do it face to face with the villain, death by missile is so impersonal.
And talking of Metal Gear Solid – know what that game had lots of – great villains! Which brings us to…
…Rami Malek! Yeesh talk about phoning it in. He underplays his part to the extent he has the demeanour of someone checking their Barclays app to see if the fee has landed before putting the effort in. It looks like they filmed dress rehearsal. There’s next to nothing for him to work with, but what there was, put some effort in.
It doesn’t help that his character’s motivations aren’t clear: is he just selling the virus from Mission Impossible 2? Or does he want to use the virus from Mission Impossible 2? Moreover, is it nanobots or poison? Pick one, movie.
General thoughts:
I haven’t been a big fan of Craig but he’s carrying this. He might look like Sid James* these days but ol’ blue eyes is doing all the heavy lifting.
So, Bond gets poisoned so he can’t touch Madeleine. In a fit of pique he decides he might as well just die. Just put some gloves on?!
More seriously, in a narrative sense, Q is a fucking wizard. The film is seriously suggesting that Q can build an invisible car but can’t make an antidote?
Oh no a new 007?! After all the hype and botheration about Lashana Lynch as the new 007 she’s totally, utterly ephemeral to the plot, the entire thing would happen without her character. Without getting into the politics, this is a work-place box ticking excercise nothing more, nothing less. If you’re gonna do it, go big or don’t bother.
Obviously Q and Moneypenny have to do some Scooby Doo style off the books digging, again. Desmond Llewelyn may have had hands like trotters* but at least he’d be in the movie once to give the gadgets then fuck off.
Painting of Judi Dench’s M. She’s dead, we get it.
Vesper Lynd blah blah blah. She died five movies ago, Bond might care, but the audience doesn’t.
Apart from creepiness, why was Freddie Mercury wearing that mask at the start?
Very nice of Freddie Mercury to let Madeliene’s daughter go, who just fucks off and meets no peril whatsoever. Imagine if in Aliens Ripley had gone to find Newt only to find the Alien Queen bringing Newt’s mid morning snack and tidying away the toys.
I very much enjoyed the action sequence when they’re in the jungle from Jurassic Park 2.
Killing Felix Leiter is the equivalent of throwing out that toasted sandwich maker you find at the back of your cupboard.
Do we need another “we’re not so different you and I” scene? The answer is no.
‘Cuckoo’ is not the villain catch phrase the writers think it is. It’s hardly “no Mr Bond I expect you to die”
Imagine if, at the end of Goldfinger, Goldfinger is arrested, then dies in prison during Thunderball.
Can you imagine if Natalia had died at the end of Goldeneye, and Bond was still bleating on about it during Die Another Day?
Sigh.
⭐⭐
Where next for Bond? A two hour movie, Bond is given a mission and does it, more action, less continuity, a scenery chomping baddy and a Bond who enjoys being a bull in a China shop. Not hard…
*Gags nicked from the wonderful SMERSHPOD which I cannot recommend highly enough.
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